I'm tired of being judged, I'm tired of judging. Lately, I've gotten a lot of flack for my son's behavior which is less than perfect, but he hasn't killed anyone yet! This judgement gets me down, and then, I think, perhaps I deserve it. I too have sky-high expectations, they are just different. A mother who I barely know asked some else the other day about how Jeff deals with having a disabled mother. The part of me that wants to fit in thinks this is a totally inappropriate question. I mean would some one ask the same of a black mother, a queer mother, a Mormon mother, any mother that doesn't fit in the norm?
But, the other part of me thinks: okay this is valid.
I think Jeff's difficulties with having a disabled are not unlike difficulties and nerosis that any other child goes through. Some mothers work too much, some are very religious, some do drugs. Part of the child's path is to deal with the parents. I do think Jeff has taken on (without being asked) the role of my protector from other's criticisms. We have to watch this, it's a hard boat to row. But, it's also good, because he has an real empathy that is sometimes lacking in small children (or anyone).
Part of my resolution this year is to move away from anger and turn into something productive. To stop being judgemental.