Because I needed you to tell me that the older lady with the cane was hot, and you said, "I think she is beautiful."
*
Today will be the very first day that my eight year old son walks to school by himself.
*
Eliot must be part of our picture. He was worried about social forms, about being in good form. About what belonged. As he worried too about who and what belonged to the right thing, in literature, in the true establishment. About what to include.
*
I wonder how much of this translates into Eliot's perception of the world; the world away from poetry. Is form the mirror which we see our existence through? I was going to say that that would mean my work is chaotic; but that simply isn't true. While I work outside of traditional or experimental 'form,' my poems at utterly controlled. I would say that they are the only thing in my life that doesn't reflect chaos - rather they are a coming to terms and an examination of the chaos. However, to say that they are controlled by me is also a little bit of a misnomer. As Duncan attests - writing for me is derived. So that, Eliot might be anti-hero for me.
*
I think the disabled body is beautiful. This comment makes people with disabilities mad at me. This also makes people without disabilities mad at me.
*
It makes me upset when I ask people if Larry Eigner had lovers and people act like that is impossible or gross. People with spinal injuries are on television because the look like able-bodied people using a wheelchair, therefore they are non-threatening. To my knowledge, only three people with cerebral palsy have ever been on any form of television: Gerry Jewel, the comedian on HBO, and that super cute teenager on Breaking Bad.
*
I can't help but push tender buttons.
*
Can someone reading this send me a copy of Spring and All.
*
The writers in my dreams last night include: Maryrose Larkin, Jim Stewart, Robert Duncan, Lisa Jarnot, Ron Silliman, James Yeary, Norma Cole, and Paul Auster.
*
The Wasteland, anyway, is part of our story.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day, 2011 (46 Degrees)
'Anyone who knows me knows who this person is.' (A reference to Bryher).
*
Wondering what the word bisexual means; in 'Fetlife' there are 7 places that you can mark for 'sex." Does one's mind define one's 'gender' or does who one has had sex with define one's gender? What is the difference between gender and sex? And what about other forms of sex/non-sex sexual acts? How do these fit into gender? Where does love go? And how does the world's perception of you affect gender? Gender per se is not my primary interest. What I am trying to construe is how disability and gender relate to each other as a societal non-norm.
*
I had a dream that I picked up the phone and it said Paul Auster was calling. However, it wasn't Paul, it was Siri, and she was really mad at me. She told me that I didn't pay my phone bill and since I had their phone number, I was fucking up their phone. I don't actually need their phone number (though I can get in touch with them if I want to) but I don't need their phone number because one doesn't need to talk to Paul/ to be with Paul/ that happens in the work; that is exactly how Paul wants it. Paul's entire work is set up so that as you read it your world becomes defined by Auster reality.
*
My eight year old son wears a skirt, most days. Most days, he wears the skirt in the house, only. But if we go to a party with mostly gay boys, he can be convinced to wear the skirt. He is entirely comfortable in the skirt around David and Morgan, but when other people come over he get nervous. He wants the person defined. If it is a gay boy, it is okay to wear the skirt because he has been taught that gay boys are accepting of such things. The skirt is grey, but there is a black on too. There are two skirts. They might be described as 'tutu' they are not a-line. My son wears the skirt because it is comfortable - but the edginess of the wearing of the skirt is not entirely lost on him either.
*
Michael Davidson suggests that Duncan's vision was informed by his LITERAL vision. Was Duncan frustrated by his eyes? Or was he happy to see the world in an entirely different way - a personal way, an only Duncan way.
*
Eigner is mentioned on page 221.
*
I am not unglad that I have cerebral palsy.
*
Wondering what the word bisexual means; in 'Fetlife' there are 7 places that you can mark for 'sex." Does one's mind define one's 'gender' or does who one has had sex with define one's gender? What is the difference between gender and sex? And what about other forms of sex/non-sex sexual acts? How do these fit into gender? Where does love go? And how does the world's perception of you affect gender? Gender per se is not my primary interest. What I am trying to construe is how disability and gender relate to each other as a societal non-norm.
*
I had a dream that I picked up the phone and it said Paul Auster was calling. However, it wasn't Paul, it was Siri, and she was really mad at me. She told me that I didn't pay my phone bill and since I had their phone number, I was fucking up their phone. I don't actually need their phone number (though I can get in touch with them if I want to) but I don't need their phone number because one doesn't need to talk to Paul/ to be with Paul/ that happens in the work; that is exactly how Paul wants it. Paul's entire work is set up so that as you read it your world becomes defined by Auster reality.
*
My eight year old son wears a skirt, most days. Most days, he wears the skirt in the house, only. But if we go to a party with mostly gay boys, he can be convinced to wear the skirt. He is entirely comfortable in the skirt around David and Morgan, but when other people come over he get nervous. He wants the person defined. If it is a gay boy, it is okay to wear the skirt because he has been taught that gay boys are accepting of such things. The skirt is grey, but there is a black on too. There are two skirts. They might be described as 'tutu' they are not a-line. My son wears the skirt because it is comfortable - but the edginess of the wearing of the skirt is not entirely lost on him either.
*
Michael Davidson suggests that Duncan's vision was informed by his LITERAL vision. Was Duncan frustrated by his eyes? Or was he happy to see the world in an entirely different way - a personal way, an only Duncan way.
*
Eigner is mentioned on page 221.
*
I am not unglad that I have cerebral palsy.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
HD Day Book, Day Book For Sam
February 13, 2011 (32 Degrees)
These three - Pound, Williams, and HD - belonged in their youth to a still brilliant generation that (it should be who) began writing just before the first World War and publishing in 'The Egoist' in London, in "Poetry and Others' in America. They alone of their generation- and we must add DH Lawrence to their company - saw literature as a text of the soul in its search for fulfillment in life and took the imagination as a primary instinctual authority. [Here, I think, what does it mean to be utterly consumed by poetry? Not as an avenue to fame or getting girls or a tenure track job; but to be utterly consumed for the sake of bliss and human connection?] The generative imagination Pound called it. They took the full risk of seeking to fulfill their vision of the poet as seer and creator.
*
I read these works aloud; dreamed about them; took my life in them; studied them as my anatomy of what Poetry must be.
*
As in writing, deriving as I do, I burn the nets of my origins.
*
I knew that I had found my book.
These three - Pound, Williams, and HD - belonged in their youth to a still brilliant generation that (it should be who) began writing just before the first World War and publishing in 'The Egoist' in London, in "Poetry and Others' in America. They alone of their generation- and we must add DH Lawrence to their company - saw literature as a text of the soul in its search for fulfillment in life and took the imagination as a primary instinctual authority. [Here, I think, what does it mean to be utterly consumed by poetry? Not as an avenue to fame or getting girls or a tenure track job; but to be utterly consumed for the sake of bliss and human connection?] The generative imagination Pound called it. They took the full risk of seeking to fulfill their vision of the poet as seer and creator.
*
I read these works aloud; dreamed about them; took my life in them; studied them as my anatomy of what Poetry must be.
*
As in writing, deriving as I do, I burn the nets of my origins.
*
I knew that I had found my book.
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