Valentine's Day, 2011 (46 Degrees)

'Anyone who knows me knows who this person is.' (A reference to Bryher).

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Wondering what the word bisexual means; in 'Fetlife' there are 7 places that you can mark for 'sex." Does one's mind define one's 'gender' or does who one has had sex with define one's gender? What is the difference between gender and sex? And what about other forms of sex/non-sex sexual acts? How do these fit into gender? Where does love go? And how does the world's perception of you affect gender? Gender per se is not my primary interest. What I am trying to construe is how disability and gender relate to each other as a societal non-norm.

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I had a dream that I picked up the phone and it said Paul Auster was calling. However, it wasn't Paul, it was Siri, and she was really mad at me. She told me that I didn't pay my phone bill and since I had their phone number, I was fucking up their phone. I don't actually need their phone number (though I can get in touch with them if I want to) but I don't need their phone number because one doesn't need to talk to Paul/ to be with Paul/ that happens in the work; that is exactly how Paul wants it. Paul's entire work is set up so that as you read it your world becomes defined by Auster reality.

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My eight year old son wears a skirt, most days. Most days, he wears the skirt in the house, only. But if we go to a party with mostly gay boys, he can be convinced to wear the skirt. He is entirely comfortable in the skirt around David and Morgan, but when other people come over he get nervous. He wants the person defined. If it is a gay boy, it is okay to wear the skirt because he has been taught that gay boys are accepting of such things. The skirt is grey, but there is a black on too. There are two skirts. They might be described as 'tutu' they are not a-line. My son wears the skirt because it is comfortable  - but the edginess of the wearing of the skirt is not entirely lost on him either.

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Michael Davidson suggests that Duncan's vision was informed by his LITERAL vision. Was Duncan frustrated by his eyes? Or was he happy to see the world in an entirely different way - a personal way, an only Duncan way.

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Eigner is mentioned on page 221.

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I am not unglad that I have cerebral palsy.