Poem for people who hate people who write poems about their kids

I thought I'd have a girl.

I thought I'd never let my kid watch TV.

I thought I'd never let my kid watch anything remotely violent.

I assumed I'd bathe my kid everyday.

I thought I'd make him brush his teeth.

I thought I would only by him gifts on Christmas and his birthday.

i thought I'd never give him Coca-cola.

I never thought I'd serve cocktails at his first, second, third, and fourth birthday parites.

I never thought he beg me to go to the bar at age 4.

I thought he would be gay.

I thought he might be a priest.

I never thought he'd be right-brained.

I never thought the vegetarian thing would take.

I never thought he'd get a Game Boy, which he did, in my deparation to silence him for five minutes. It worked, for two.